Rollercoaster of Emotions

I just had to start this post off with this prayer that circles through my inbox frequently.  Tonight, I am struggling.  So here is my prayer tonight.

Marine wife Prayer

Dear Lord,

Give me greatness of heart to see, the difference between duty and his love for me.

Give me the understanding so I may know, when duty calls he must go.

Give me a task to do each day, to fill the time when he is away.

And, Lord, when duty is in the field, please protect him and be his shield.

And, Lord, when he is in foriegn land, keep him safe in your loving hand.

And, Lord, when deployment is long, please stay with me and keep me strong!

 

 

It seems like just yesterday I was moving back to this town saying, "I am so lucky my husband does not deploy for a while.  I have so much time to spend with him."  Now, I can't believe that the time has come.  Where did all of those months go?   There is only a short amount of time left to spend with my love, and my emotions are getting the best of me.  I guess the fact that PMS came a few days early is not helping either.

 

Two days ago, I had a meltdown.  Right in front of him.  I was upstairs getting ready.  My love came in the bathroom to pester me like always and I snapped at him.  He asked me what my problem was and I told him I was mad at him for deploying and leaving me.  And then I lost it.  He took me in his arms and held me till I had let it all out.  I felt better after that, but that was the first time that had happend.  I know it is okay to cry, but I don't want to cry.  I want to be strong and brave.  I have to be.  For my children, I have to be.

 

BUT, I am scared.  I am SO scared.  I am not even sure why this time is any different.  It's not like this is my first deployment.  I've done all of this before... 

 

Dear Lord, give me the strength that I need to make it through this deployment!  AMEN!