Sometimes I hate how much I love you...

But everyday I love you more!  That is one of the lines in a song that I came across on the internet called Sleeping with the Telephone.  The title pretty much says it all.  We sleep with our phone, shower with it in hands reach in case it rings.  It sits on the back of the toilet while we poop and lays on the bed by our pillow while we sleep because we would be devastated if we missed that call we long for every day.   I don't really hate how much I love him, but that sentence definately describes the feeling I sometimes have when times are really hard.  Sometimes I want to quit.  I want to walk away never looking back, except...that man is my life.  He is the reason I smile every day, the reason I get out of bed, but today I am having one of those days. 

Here lately, those days have been coming more frequently.  I know alot of it stems from the news about some of our fallen heros, but some of it comes from worrying about my husband and missing him constantly.  This life is hard.  I know that is not brand new information, but it makes me feel slightly better being able to say it.  I wake up every morning afraid to start my day because I have no idea if I will get that knock at the door or ring of the door bell telling me the one thing that I fear most.  I try every day to focus on the good things and occupy my time with hobbies, friends, and my kids but the moment I finally get confortable and start to feel like myself, the bad news comes rolling in and it's back at square one.  I have never been more scared in my entire life. 

I am afraid for my husband.  The things he goes through over there is more than anyone should ever have to experience.  I am afraid that my kids might have to grow up without their daddy and I am afraid for myself.  I don't ever want to live my life without that man.  He is my life.  For now,  I will just continue to take it one day at a time because that is the only thing I can do.  Thankfully,  I have some of the most incredible friends that I could ever ask for.  They continue to support me and be there for me, even on my worst days.  You girls are the best and you know who you are.  I hope you know just how much you mean to me.  I love you girls, and here is to another day down!  Tomorrow will be a better day.