Screw you pre-deployment brief!

Yesterday was the first of TWO pre-deployment briefs..........*SIGH*.  I don't remember it ever being this hard.  I am not sure why this time seems so much different than the others, but it does.  I had great expectations when I walked into the room.  I was smiling, in a great mood and ready to meet other wives who will soon become the support group that helps get me through this deployment.  I didn't come out feeling that way though.  I left pretty much wanting to punch someone in the face.  Not because something specific happened, but because it made me come back to reality.  I was no longer able to pretend that my love was gonna be staying here with me.

It's really hard to think about my love leaving for this deployment when he has not even made it back from the 6wk training he is currently doing.  How am I supposed to wrap my mind around getting ready for deployment when I am still trying to survive these 6wks.  One thing at a time people.  SERIOUSLY!!!

Oh, and the preparation for deployment is enough to makes any sane person go mental.  I was so unaware of all the legal stuff that I now have to do that was not required or needed in previous deployments.  I'm in a whirlwind of confusion and have a list about a mile long that we have to do before he leaves.  I learned that a general power of attorney is not good enough in some cases and we may need a special one too.  Huh, you mean I have to have 2 POA's.  I also learned that no place is required to accept a POA!  So basically although most places accept them, there is still that chance that having one will do me absolutely no good.  Then there is the will......I can't even think of the will without tearing up.  I just can't.  So I will move on from that but not before mentioning that my love is required to sit through a class before being able to get a will and a POA!  Yeah, that would be two classes.  How is he supposed to find the time to go to these classes when he hardly has the time to pee.   

The hardest part by far, was the talk about the CACO (casualty assistance call officer).  Nobody wants to hear about protocal for the CACO because they don't want to have to think they will ever need to contacted by one.  Just sitting in that room while trying to listen was enough to my raise my blood pressure.  I was trying so hard to listen cause I know I needed to know this info but at the same time my mind kept wondering to other happier things.  To actually think that this info being passed could very well pertain to me was more than I could bear.  So although I pretty much got the jist, I allowed myself to zone out for my own benefit.  I can't allow myself to think that way before the deployment even begins. 

*SIGH*..............*SIGH*....................*SIGH*

It is so easy to sit and imagine a life where this would never be an issue.  I like to think that there is this "perfect" job out there waiting on my love to find it so that we can be finished.  Reality is, that although there may be one, my love is doing what he loves.  It may take us on this crazy emotional roller coaster that I sometimes think that I will not survive, but I always do.  I will support my love and his decision to be a marine as long as he is happy doing it.  In the meantime, I am sure this blog will be used to relieve all anger and frustion that I endure during this deployment, as well as the exciting and happy stuff too!!