Half my heart is in...

He left a few days ago.  I cannot believe that we are actually doing this.  I think I lived in this fantasy world for wks thinking that maybe, just maybe he was not going to go.  I knew that he was, but that is why it was my fantasy world.  It was actually really nice though.  He did not have to report to work until 9 p.m. so we were able to spend the whole day just loving it up. 

We were playing with the self time on the camera along with my tripod.  I figured we could sneak in a good kiss.

This is the beginning of the night.  Well actually we had already been there for almost 2 hrs before love got to come rejoin us, but we were happy to see his face again.

Brother was so enthralled with the gun.  He had to ask questions about everything pertaining to the gun.

I snapped a picture everytime I could get my love to smile.  I can never have enough pics.

And thankfully, I had my bestie tag along to capture the moments that I shared with my love in our last hours before he left.

We did alot of sitting around.  I don't remember ever sticking around that long before a deployment, but of course I would not ever miss a moment with my love.  The kids were DONE considering it was about 1:30 a.m. so we headed to the car and stuck a movie in for them.  Thank god for technology.  My love and I were trying to cuddle the best we could with that massive weapon in between us.  This is mere moments before the good bye starts.

Brother was actually doing very well.  He did cry, he screamed a few times, and he balled up his fist.  He did really well though.

Sister did really well too.  She also cried but for a 7 yr old, she held herself together really well.

I however, lost it.  Completely and totally lost it.  My love is my rock.  He keeps me grounded.  He is my SUNSHINE. 

He is so brave and courageous.  I am so lucky to call this man my husband.  I would walk to the end of the world for him.  This was the last time I had my arms around his neck.  He kissed me, then headed to the bus.

Standing there, behind this stupid white rope, I just wanted to run up on that bus and break his leg or maybe a shoulder so that he would have to stay.  Of course, he would kill me.

Gosh, this was so hard.  I knew that they were about to close the doors.  I knew that this was going to be the last time I would see his face for a while.  This moment was breaking my heart.

And then they drove off.  That was it.  He was gone. 

Driving home that night morning I was actually holding it together really well.  I thought that I would be balling my eyes out but I wasn't.  It very well could have been pure exhaustion but whatever it was, it definately helped me that night.  I got home and quickly did all the bedtime routines and crawled into bed around 3:45 a.m.  The next day was spent moping around all day.  Of course, that is to be expected.  Today, I had a good day.  I have my moments where I almost lose it, but for the most part I handling it well.  Things can only look up from here.