Home sweet (lonely) home!

I am home.  I enjoyed a wonderful 16 days in TN and now it is back to reality.  I love getting to go visit family.  I loved having someone to talk to everyday.  I loved that walking out the back door was all I needed to do to be at the pool.  I loved everything about it, except it wasn't "my" reality.  Being away made it easy to forget that I just sent my love off on deployment.  It allowed me to act as if my life didn't feel "on hold".  As much as I would have loved to pretend through this whole deployment, I knew that was not something that I could do.  We have school here.  We have friends here.  Our home is here.  I love my family and friends back home, but as much as they try to understand the emotions I am going through, they just don't get it.  Although they may be impacted by the absence of my love in some way or another, it does not even compare to the imapct it has had on my kids and I.  It is hard to put up a front every day just so that I don't have to answer a hundred questions on why I am moody, sad, or quite.  Being back at "my" home has been lonely.  A good lonely though.  Lonely is not always such a bad thing.  I have allowed myself to cry without fear of being interupted, I have caught up on wks of tv shows that I missed, I have spent quite evenings at the park, and walks by the water.  It allows me to just think.  I finally feel like I am able to get into the groove that will be our life for the next X months.  This week was a lonely week, but it was a good kind of lonely.